You know you’re a mother when…
…you hide with the phone the moment it starts ringing.
…you regularly move little shoes to the right feet.
…you don’t wear white, not for fear of your own spills, but for fear of little hands.
…conversations about poop and pee are totally common in everyday life.
…you wipe the seat before you use the toilet.
…you find buying clothes for your children far more fun than anything for yourself.
…you go to dry your hands and decide the towel has more germs than you had before you washed.
…your dive to save baby’s head has improved with each child.
…You’d trip and end up breaking a leg during naptime before you bump the wrong toy that makes noise.
…you sneak a snack, unwilling to share.
…you’ve cringed in a bathroom stall while a child discussed whatever embarrasses you most.
…you’ve hid in a bathroom stall until you are quite certain any audience of above mentioned discourse has vacated the facilities.
…you’ve found yourself cutting up your food or the food of your spouse far smaller than necessary.
…you’ve cleaned up vomit, made your own mess, then cleaned up both messes.
…you’ve disciplined and went searching for which child was missing a found chunk of hair, all the while praying it’s fixable and not too hideous.
…you’ve rocked a baby and found yourself praying they would hurry up and go to sleep – so that you can too.
…you find yourself scanning the lawn as you mow for one tiny croc shoe, fearful the mower will find it before you do.
…you totally understand when another mother mentions the awful hour before supper.
…you tell your husband you need a raise in pay. He offers a 100% raise. And then you both laugh, because you both know you cannot handle 14 children.